We're painted red to fit right in

[karappo]

[For the last six months, the Matsuno household has been abnormally quiet.

There's no running up and down the stairs. No boistrous chatter over breakfast. No brawls breaking out in the bedroom at night. No games of Mahjong on a cold night and then yet more fights breaking out over that.

There is silence.

Only three people have been living in that house, and it's quieter than it's ever been. The only brother- the eldest- remaining rarely left it anymore. He rarely left the bedroom upstairs, to be precise. Sometimes he'd venture up onto the roof, but even that got too hard to swallow with all the constant reminders of how they'd all left him.

One by one, they all left. Not a single one of them had come back since, not even to check up on one another.

It had taken about this long for Osomatsu to finally stop caring. After all, it seemed like he cared a lot more than anyone else did. It was the only reason he was still even here, sleeping in an empty futon and eating his meals around an empty table. Eventually he did this less and less and left the futon only long enough to relieve himself. Back to bed, back to sleep, back to unconsciousness where he didn't have to think unless he started dreaming. He didn't talk to his parents much, but when he did he still had a knack for making things seem okay when they really weren't. It's the only reason he was able to scoot by barely living until his body just couldn't take it anymore.

Karamatsu had been sleeping in after having yet another failed interview when he was awoken to Chibita shaking him roughly and trying to give him the phone. "It's for you, idjit," Karamatsu barely made out as he fumbled the phone a few times before blearily getting it to his ear. Within a minute of receiving the phone and hanging it up, Karamatsu had thrown his clothes on and bolted out the door without telling Chibita what was going on. He hadn't even gotten any of his things, he just.

Went.

Osomatsu wasn't doing well. It was like, ever since his brothers left, he just...hadn't gotten better. Matsuyo didn't even know what to do to help her oldest son anymore, but she had known that his brothers would want to be there with him if he was this bad off. Karamatsu, for his part, couldn't believe it. Osomatsu, of all of them? Surely not...

And yet, it was unfortunately true. Karamatsu had actually been the first Matsuyo got hold of since he was living close by with Chibita. It had given Karamatsu a chance to see Osomatsu alone, which he was grateful for. The Osomatsu he'd come home to wasn't the Osomatsu he'd left, wasn't even the Osomatsu he'd dragged out of the room that night before Choromatsu left. He was buried under months of depression and what was left was battered and nearly completely withered away. That alone was enough to completely shatter Karamatsu's heart, but what he really couldn't take was seeing his younger siblings filter home one by one.

Jyushimatsu. Todomatsu. Choromatsu.

Two days passed and only five sons were home. Osomatsu was getting worse. He'd stopped eating entirely and would barely tolerate water. Not only that, but the fourth of their number- Ichimatsu- was nowhere to be found. He couldn't be contacted. No job, no number, no home. It was like he'd vanished off the face of the earth. Before Matsuyo could completely expire from the stress, though, Karamatsu offered himself up to go find him. He'd take Todomatsu's phone with him so he could keep in touch, just in case. The others should stay behind with Osomatsu.

That had been three hours ago, and now Karamatsu found himself in a largely unfamiliar ward of Tokyo. After a light-speed search of their hometown, he'd begun asking around. Have you seen someone who looks like me?

No. Sorry. Nobody like that.

Where was he?

Karamatsu couldn't stop looking, he had to be somewhere here. He didn't care if he got looks for shouting in the streets, because he knew his voice among all of theirs was the most recognizable should Ichimatsu happen to hear it.

He had to be here.]

Comments

[karappo]

[......]

...something has happened. Mother needs us home.

["Mother". Not Mommy, this time.

Karamatsu's voice is so strained that it honestly sounds like his vocal chords are threatening to break, his eyes a bit red and much too bright in the darkness of the alley.

He needs to get Ichimatsu up and moving with him. He'll...try to explain after he's certain they're on their way.]

[ichimyatsu]

[That stops him.]

[Like... all but entirely. He flinches again, looking like he's actually been struck, and searches Karamatsu's eyes for an explanation. When all he finds is strain and frightened brightness, he feels his stomach drop out and his breath hitches.]

...Karamatsu,

[Not Shittymatsu. Karamatsu. He walks his hand to the top of his kneecap, and it shakes when he reaches it outward and away, and it doesn't stay raised for long, like he can't even manage to hold it out.]

...what happened.

[karappo]

[That's about the time that Karamatsu's expression really wavers. He wants to keep it hidden behind his eyes so he doesn't cause Ichimatsu to panic right from the get-go, but this is serious. It's more serious than anything that's ever happened and they can't afford to waste time beating around the bush or being vague.

Karamatsu is the one who reaches for Ichimatsu, this time, keeping his hand outstretched with the strength Ichimatsu doesn't have.]

Osomatsu is not well.

[ichimyatsu]

[What little color there still was to his skin blanched white as his fingers loosely tangled in Karamatsu's. He'd never been tactile, and he had even less contact these days than he had when he was at home, so the whole of it sent odd little buzzing shivers down his spine, but... More than that, Karamatsu's words dropped into the pit of his stomach like ice, and he had to swallow against the sudden urge to be sick, even with nothing in his belly.]

[He croaks a time or two before he manages words.]

Wh... what?

[karappo]

[Karamatsu edges closer to Ichimatsu as he takes the other's hand in his own- god, they're so thin now- and tries to very gently get him to sit up off of the wall. He'll carry him on his back if he has to, but they really...really don't have time. The faster they're heading home, the better.

He knows why he's being urgent, but his brain is violently rejecting that notion and substituting it as wanting to be there for his family to support them. Nothing more.]

He's...he's sick.

[Karamatsu repeats himself, having to avert his gaze a little. It's not a lie, but he's way more than just sick and he knows it.]

I told Mother I would find you...bring you home with me.

[ichimyatsu]

[He's sick.]

[I told mother I would find you.]

[Ichimatsu isn't stupid. He knows fully well what that means. And he feels like an absolute shitstain for never checking back. For leaving on the note of "This is for the best, probably,". He forgets how to breathe for a moment, and Karamatsu's urging sends lightning through his bones and he's shaking, but he's trying to get up. He knows he won't make it all the way to their house from here on his own, not with as little as he's eaten in the last few days. Why hadn't he eaten? Why hadn't he tried to contact them? Why hadn't--]

[He sucks in a sudden breath, realizing that the reason his lungs were burning was that he hadn't, and presses against the wall, tugging Karamatsu's fingers.]

I c-can't--

[For Osomatsu, he'll swallow his pride and be honest. Uncoiling his other arm from his knees, he looks up at Karamatsu, small and afraid.]

...I can't, I won't get that far, Karamatsu.

[Help me, is the underlying statement there, spoken with his eyes but not his mouth.]

[karappo]

It's alright. I am going to help you.

[He says that without hesitation, and by the time Ichimatsu does look up at him with eyes so full of fear and trepidation for what's to come, he's shifted gears entirely.

He's had to be the eldest ever since he returned home. He was sortof unceremoniously shoved into the position, but it's easier for him than it would have been for the rest. He's used to assuming it when Osomatsu can't...just not under these circumstances.

For right now, though, he's already three or four steps ahead of what he's physically doing, pulling himself up to Ichimatsu's side so he can pull his arm up around his shoulders.]

There is a bus stop on the corner. I'll...I'll carry you there. It will take us to the next ward. We will...need to take a second bus to Akatsuka, but...the walk to the house will not be far.

[He'll carry him there, too.

Ichimatsu might also notice in Karamatsu's quick explanation that his speech isn't at all smooth like it once was. It's stilted, jerky, strained like he's thinking about one thing yet saying another. He probably hasn't slept in a few days but at least he can actually walk.]

[ichimyatsu]

[He hates this--]

[He smells, he's gross, he's dirty, he's homeless, and Karamatsu is just dropping everything to help him get home. Because Osomatsu is dying.]

[...because Osomatsu is dying. It feels like a string holding him together has snapped when his mind thinks that-- because it has to be true, or why would they go to so much trouble to find him? And send Karamatsu, of all people? The air goes out of his lungs and he clasps his own hands together once one is looped around Karamatsu's shoulders, and he's. Embarrassed. He's so small now, he can't weigh but a hundred pounds, and probably five to ten of that is all the clothing he's wearing. His attention goes briefly over his shoulder to the cat, still perched on the dumpster, and his breath hitches a little.]

I'll-- be back for you, [And he's using the leverage of Karamatsu's shoulder to get to his feet-- He can stand, he can probably walk a block, but slowly. Much, much too slowly. He's spent so much time walking along walls and not going but a yard or two without stopping, the muscles in his legs are probably all but atrophied. He feels weak, and stupid, and like the absolute worst brother in the world, and he has to make a conscious effort to not bleed that into his every move. Turning back to face forward, he passes an apologetic look sideways to Karamatsu.]

I'm-- sorry, I smell.

[karappo]

[Karamatsu, for his part, doesn't answer. He just waits, giving Ichimatsu as much time as he needs to situate himself and get some sort of semblance of balance back on his feet. For a second he's confused by the first thing he says, but then he remembers the cat and feels a momentary swell of pity in his chest. Ichimatsu's only companion for god knows how long, but he can spend a lifetime being guilty over that later.

He has a lifetime left.

Almost too soon, Karamatsu reaches back to take hold of Ichimatsu's legs as he crouches back down to one knee, hefting him up onto his back. He seems completely heedless to anything wrong with him right now, even though his lack of weight is very concerning to say the least. Once he's certain Ichimatsu isn't going to fall, he rounds the corner.

If Ichimatsu didn't understand the urgency before, he will when Karamatsu starts jogging down the street with Ichimatsu clinging to his shoulders.

Bus arrives in ten minutes, he can make it around the block in twelve, eight if he runs. Next bus is at 6:30. He has plenty of yen for bus fare, enough to get them home.

Karamatsu's thoughts are a complete scatter of just stuff as he fights to recall everything he needs to do to get back...and fast.]

[ichimyatsu]

[It's... odd, suddenly, to be carried this way. It's far from the first time it's happened-- He can recall at least twice Karamatsu has carried him home on his back because he was too drunk to walk home on his own.]

[Funny, Karamatsu was always taking care of him when all he did was spit acid at him with words and gestures. His arms tighten carefully around the second born's shoulders, and he tries not to think too hard about what it must mean that he's jogging. Maybe he's just trying to catch a bus so they don't have to wait. Yeah, that had to be it. Bus schedules were tricky, after all...]

[He feels how tense he is, from being on his back, and for the first time in probably ten years he has a conscientious thought for Karamatsu. One of his hands shifts and pats his brother's collarbone.]

...make a left, up here. It's quicker.

[When you've malnourished yourself to the point that walking a block can take an hour, you start relying on short cuts when you need things.]

Tags on my phone bc im thirsty for angst

[karappo]

[Karamatsu doesn't hesitate. His brain chugs to a brief stop to consider Ichimatsu's words before he hangs a left, his arms tightening around his legs to avoid dropping him. It's probably not safe running around corners and down the street that others are trying to walk on, but he knows the wait for a bus- should they miss it- would be agonizing. Not only that, but Karamatsu doesn't know this ward well. The best he's been able to do is memorize where the bus stops are for a quick exit should things downturn drastically at home. 

Karamatsu's heaving by the time he does reach the stop, and blessedly there's no one else waiting and the bus hasn't yet arrived. It should in about two minutes if his mental math is correct. 

It gives him too much time to ruminate over Ichimatsu's condition. He can feel the bones in his legs and his clothing hangs off of him in large folds. The arms around his neck are so weak that Karamatsu is honestly debating just not putting him down. 

His eyes close as the pounding of his heart in his ears makes it hard to think, though he does manage to speak after a moment.]

I-it is alright. We will get there. 

[He just hopes he was right about this bus.]

gOMEN I WAS TRYING TO FIX MY CAR,

[ichimyatsu]

[He wouldn't say he's familiar with this ward, just a few areas. He'd taken a train to get here, probably, but he knew where most of the bus stations around him were as well. That was usually how Yuki found him, was by taking a bus around the area.]

[When Karamatsu comes to a stop at the bus station, he rests his head against the side of his neck and closes his eyes.]

Sit down, you've got a few minutes. I'm not as heavy as I used to be but I'm still heavy.

YOU'RE FINE FRIEND

[karappo]

[He doesn't want to sit, he wants to keep moving, stop wasting time- but the bus isn't here and he's tired from the jog, so after shifting from foot to foot he finally relents and takes a seat on the far edge of the bench nearby. He sits on it sideways so Ichimatsu doesn't have to get off of his back, keeping his eyes trained on the highway for the bus to pull up.

It's going to be the longest bus he's ever waited for, but he hasn't gotten any recent calls. He hopes that's good news.]

[ichimyatsu]

[He isn't quite sure what to do with the fact that Karamatsu sat sideways to keep him on his back, so he just huffs softly. It was probably easier, because then he wouldn't have to crouch over to get him back on his back, but-- He squirms.]

I can get on a bus, [He says, trying to pull away from Karamatsu's grasp.] I'm just slow.

[karappo]

[Karamatsu could easily let him go, but he doesn't. He stays right the way he is even with Ichimatsu squirming against him, shaking his head slowly.]

That is fine, but the bus is not here yet. Let's just...rest this way until it arrives.

[He doesn't want to say that the only reason he's not putting Ichimatsu down is because he doesn't want to let him go. He hasn't even seen Ichimatsu in half a year...and this is turning out to be one awful reunion.]

[ichimyatsu]

[He grunts, but knows better than to keep trying. He's never have an abundance of energy, least of all when he's starved himself to literal skin and bones. So he settles again, crossing his arms and his ankles and leaning in a half-assed koala grab parading as a hug. His arms squeeze for the briefest of moments.]

...fine, okay.

[karappo]

[And from that point on for the next few minutes, Karamatsu doesn't say anything. Mostly he's just trying to catch his breath after that run, otherwise he'staking advantage of sitting so he can at least attempt to calm himself down a little from the rush of thoughts and emotions trying to overwhelm him.

Not only is Osomatsu on his death bed, but Ichimatsu is honestly not much better off right now, and Karamatsu doesn't know what to do. What is he going to tell everyone? He can't just bring Ichimatsu back like that and pretend everything is okay even though they'll probably be able to gather that he'd been homeless all this time.

It just feels like things just keep getting worse and worse and he can't really do anything to make it better. It's the worst feeling of helplessness in the world, but...the only thing he can do now is bring Ichimatsu home.]

...I am sorry we did not come to look for you sooner. None of us have really...been together.

[ichimyatsu]

[He's maybe dozing against Karamatsu's shoulder, oddly enamored with the smell and warmth of home even knowing the dire circumstances, and shifts slightly to look over his shoulder when Karamatsu speaks.]

...I made my way two wards from home for a reason, Karamatsu. I didn't want to be found.

[karappo]

[He ends up giving a sort of noncommittal noise at that, knowing that arguing with Ichimatsu over this would probably be pointless.

That actually isn't his question here, because he'd been talking to Matsuyo quite a bit before he left to search for him.]

...but you stayed longer than the rest of us.

[ichimyatsu]

[His expression falls, despite being largely deadpan, and he ducks away to hide behind his brother's shoulder again.]

I didn't want to leave in the first place.

[karappo]

[He sighs, a deep sort of noise that doesn't sound like it should be coming from Karamatsu at all.]

I am really not sure any of us did.

[Choromatsu left first and that was his own decision. But after that...everyone started leaving because it felt like the 'right' thing to do. Like they all needed to get jobs and make something of themselves.

Except for Osomatsu.]

[ichimyatsu]

[He doesn't want to be talking about this. Not even a little bit. Least of all with Karamatsu. He closes his eyes and shifts his arms, shaking his head with his forehead against Karamatsu's shoulder so he can feel the gesture, slow as it is.]

[He'd watched them all leave, and refused to say anything about it. Choromatsu they all expected to get a job someday anyway. He'd been half-assedly trying for so long, because he always acted like he thought he was different. He was maybe the only one of them with the drive to be self-sufficient, anyway. Todomatsu had left because he was mad, mostly, from what Ichimatsu could tell, with a black eye and a weight to his step none of them mentioned. Ichimatsu hadn't even seen Karamatsu leave-- and that wasn't only because he went to new lengths to ignore him with their numbers dwindling. The second-born had just been gone one day, and Ichimatsu hadn't ever known why or where he'd gone. He didn't blame him, really. With how Osomatsu had become it was like he was the oldest anyway, and all of them knew that was probably too much for him. He tried, and he cared more about the lot of them as a whole than probably anyone but their mother, but there were some things that even a soul made of glitter and love couldn't do. Jyushimatsu leaving had probably been the hardest, because he couldn't react. Jyushimatsu knew him better than all of them, possibly knew him better than he knew himself, and he'd have seen through any false happiness he showed for his baby brother's success. So he'd congratulated him, and then he'd shut down. And it was too much-- having Osomatsu shut down and shut everyone out, coupled with Ichimatsu's pre-existing hateful nature...]

[He licks his lips, frowning before asking a question that would reroute the conversation in another way he wasn't ready for.]

...what happened, with Osomatsu?

[If it went the way he thought, he may as well have been killing his brother himself.]

[karappo]

[This probably isn't a conversation they should be having on the side of the road, but it's also not one they should be having on a bus. It's not one that he wants to have anywhere, but there's really no avoiding it at this point. He's just not really sure where or how to begin.]

From what I could gather, he's...not been doing well for some time.

[Probably since Choromatsu left, but that's rather obvious.]

It was not until more recently that things downturned. I was called first, then Choromatsu...and the others have gotten home within the last week. You were the last one we needed to find.

[ichimyatsu]

[He stays very still, taking a very slow intake of breath to keep it from rattling. The only thing of him that really moves at all is his face, hidden against Karamatsu's shoulder where it can't be seen. He seems to forget that being pressed against him means Karamatsu can probably feel the way his eyebrows scrunch together and he mouths words but makes no sound.]

[It's a period of silence before he starts shaking, but he tries to extract himself from Karamatsu again as the bus starts to pull up to divert attention from that.]

[He shouldn't have left. He didn't want to, but he couldn't handle the atmosphere, so he'd run away, knowing full well it wouldn't bring anything. Knowing full well that he'd just be in the position he was, starved and half-dead. He'd had some misplaced idea that maybe, if he removed himself, Osomatsu might wake up. He wasn't selfish enough to think that he was the source of his brother's depression, they all knew it was because Choromatsu had started a chain reaction and Osomatsu never did want to grow up, but-- If he'd stayed, if he'd been strong enough to pretend to be okay for someone else, to walk him through it, to help him, maybe--]

--bus is here.

[karappo]

[He feels it, but he doesn't call him out on it. What he does do instead is to gently tighten his grip around Ichimatsu's legs, just briefly. Just to let him know he's still here and that whatever Ichimatsu is thinking is probably something being way overthought.

And then, the bus arrives.

Karamatsu shifts, looking up at the doors to the side of the bus as the driver opens them, giving the two brothers something of a look in the process. He doesn't get up immediately so it'll be easier to reach into his pocket for some coins to pay the fare. Once they're in hand (uncounted, he can keep the change), Karamatsu lifts both himself and Ichimatsu up off the bench so he can board the bus to the next ward.]