We're painted red to fit right in

[karappo]

[For the last six months, the Matsuno household has been abnormally quiet.

There's no running up and down the stairs. No boistrous chatter over breakfast. No brawls breaking out in the bedroom at night. No games of Mahjong on a cold night and then yet more fights breaking out over that.

There is silence.

Only three people have been living in that house, and it's quieter than it's ever been. The only brother- the eldest- remaining rarely left it anymore. He rarely left the bedroom upstairs, to be precise. Sometimes he'd venture up onto the roof, but even that got too hard to swallow with all the constant reminders of how they'd all left him.

One by one, they all left. Not a single one of them had come back since, not even to check up on one another.

It had taken about this long for Osomatsu to finally stop caring. After all, it seemed like he cared a lot more than anyone else did. It was the only reason he was still even here, sleeping in an empty futon and eating his meals around an empty table. Eventually he did this less and less and left the futon only long enough to relieve himself. Back to bed, back to sleep, back to unconsciousness where he didn't have to think unless he started dreaming. He didn't talk to his parents much, but when he did he still had a knack for making things seem okay when they really weren't. It's the only reason he was able to scoot by barely living until his body just couldn't take it anymore.

Karamatsu had been sleeping in after having yet another failed interview when he was awoken to Chibita shaking him roughly and trying to give him the phone. "It's for you, idjit," Karamatsu barely made out as he fumbled the phone a few times before blearily getting it to his ear. Within a minute of receiving the phone and hanging it up, Karamatsu had thrown his clothes on and bolted out the door without telling Chibita what was going on. He hadn't even gotten any of his things, he just.

Went.

Osomatsu wasn't doing well. It was like, ever since his brothers left, he just...hadn't gotten better. Matsuyo didn't even know what to do to help her oldest son anymore, but she had known that his brothers would want to be there with him if he was this bad off. Karamatsu, for his part, couldn't believe it. Osomatsu, of all of them? Surely not...

And yet, it was unfortunately true. Karamatsu had actually been the first Matsuyo got hold of since he was living close by with Chibita. It had given Karamatsu a chance to see Osomatsu alone, which he was grateful for. The Osomatsu he'd come home to wasn't the Osomatsu he'd left, wasn't even the Osomatsu he'd dragged out of the room that night before Choromatsu left. He was buried under months of depression and what was left was battered and nearly completely withered away. That alone was enough to completely shatter Karamatsu's heart, but what he really couldn't take was seeing his younger siblings filter home one by one.

Jyushimatsu. Todomatsu. Choromatsu.

Two days passed and only five sons were home. Osomatsu was getting worse. He'd stopped eating entirely and would barely tolerate water. Not only that, but the fourth of their number- Ichimatsu- was nowhere to be found. He couldn't be contacted. No job, no number, no home. It was like he'd vanished off the face of the earth. Before Matsuyo could completely expire from the stress, though, Karamatsu offered himself up to go find him. He'd take Todomatsu's phone with him so he could keep in touch, just in case. The others should stay behind with Osomatsu.

That had been three hours ago, and now Karamatsu found himself in a largely unfamiliar ward of Tokyo. After a light-speed search of their hometown, he'd begun asking around. Have you seen someone who looks like me?

No. Sorry. Nobody like that.

Where was he?

Karamatsu couldn't stop looking, he had to be somewhere here. He didn't care if he got looks for shouting in the streets, because he knew his voice among all of theirs was the most recognizable should Ichimatsu happen to hear it.

He had to be here.]

Comments

[ichimyatsu]

[He sucks in a sharp breath and latches back onto Karamatsu's shoulders when he stands up, kicking him weakly in the hip as they go.]

I told you I can get on a bus-- [He warbles, but it betrays him in how it shakes. He can't even force any malice into his tone, and his arms shift to keep him on his brother without Karamatsu having to adjust. He presses his face into his shoulder when he realizes it's easier to not fight, curling inward.]

[karappo]

[Sorry Ichimatsu; either Karamatsu ignored that or actually didn't hear you, because either way you're getting carried onto the bus. He'll of course put him down once they're on the bus. This is likely going to be a bit of a ride, as will the second bus they're going to have to take. He wishes he'd brought something to eat, or water at the very least.

Karamatsu is careful in setting Ichimatsu down on the seat next to him, letting him take his time to pull away. Ichimatsu will probably be able to see him quickly- and attempt to be discreet about it- checking Totty's phone from inside his hoodie pocket.

0 new messages, 0 missed calls. For better or worse.]

[ichimyatsu]

[Immediately upon being set down, he curls his knees back to himself, toeing off his shoes to let them sit on the floor of the bus below him. His arms circle around his knees and he doesn't fully hide his face but looks like he might be considering it. The bus driver may very well know Ichimatsu, he's taken the bus a few places before, and Yuki probably had a photograph of him she kept to show locals when she was trying to find him. What's probably stranger is that there are two of him-- if you squint. Karamatsu is very obviously what Ichimatsu could look like if he were healthy and took a shower, even if the latter has made a rapid six month decline into looking like more of a ghost of his family's visage.]

[He glowers over his arms at Karamatsu as he checks the phone and tilts his head at the device, quirking his mouth. Wasn't that...?]

...Totty let you use his phone?

[karappo]

[...ah.

Karamatsu quickly pushes the phone back into his pocket, nodding a little shortly after.]

M...mom wanted me to have a way to still be in contact while I was gone.

[ichimyatsu]

[There's a certain amount of finality to that statement. Mom wanted him to have a means of contact. Totty let him use his phone. Totty never wanted his phone out of his hand, much less two wards away from him. Things... Must have really been bad.]

[He makes an affirmative sound and settles against his knees, frowning at his bag.]

...are we going home, or straight to the hospital?

[karappo]

[Karamatsu's attention is currently on the back of the seat in front of him, but his mind couldn't be farther off. It takes him a moment to answer because of this, even though he doesn't have much to say.]

Home.

[Whether Osomatsu is home or actually at a hospital is a mystery, but one thing's for certain: if Ichimatsu went straight there himself without getting his own needs seen about first, he would probably have to be admitted right alongside Osomatsu.]

[ichimyatsu]

[He nods, closing his eyes.]

[He had a few changes of clothes in his bag that were still "clean". He didn't really consider anything he owned clean anymore, but he hadn't worn them since Yuki had put them in his bag again this time. It wasn't a nice outfit, and it probably didn't match, but he figured clean clothing and a bath would make him at least marginally presentable if any of his siblings could ignore how skinny he was and how slow he moved.]

...I'll. Take a bath, if that's okay. I don't wanna stink up the place.

[karappo]

...okay?

[Karamatsu echoes, finally looking back over at Ichimatsu as the bus continues to putter down the road.]

Of course it's okay.

[Then he pauses, looking back at the seat.]

It is still your home, too.

[ichimyatsu]

[He swallows, setting his jaw and frowning, leaning sideways against the window.]

...mmn.

[karappo]

[Karamatsu draws his lower lip between his teeth, realizing that maybe he could have said that better.]

...whatever you need. It is fine. I will help you however I can.

[ichimyatsu]

[He closes his eyes for a while, and looks sidelong at Karamatsu when he opens them. He doesn't really know how to begin to process what's happening. Osomatsu is sick-- dying, probably, because he didn't know how to sort out depression enough to find what helped. He chews on the inside of his lip and unfolds himself from his seat enough to sit back against the seatback and really look at his brother.]

[He thought about asking what he'd been doing since he left. Was he working? Where did he live, now? But none of the questions seemed appropriate, or... Worth it, really. He moved one hand, setting it between them on their seats.]

...just, a bath, I think.

[karappo]

[Food and water would be good, too, but he's not going to force it into Ichimatsu. The fact that he's getting him off the streets is good enough. He just wishes it weren't under such awful circumstances.

For a few minutes after simply nodding to Ichimatsu, Karamatsu lets a silence settle between them. When he speaks again, it's softly with his hands having long since slipped into his hoodie pockets, one hand cupping Todomatsu's phone to feel for it vibrating. Just in case.]

You can sleep, if you want. I will wake you when it is time to get off.

[ichimyatsu]

[He curls and uncurls his hand into a fist between them, shifting and dropping his weight sideways so his head is on Karamatsu's shoulder. His arm closer to the window curls behind his knees, and he folds himself up to be impossibly small, fidgeting for a moment.]

...Karamatsu.

[karappo]

[He doesn't move when he feels Ichimatsu's head come to rest on his shoulder, though he does look over at his brother out of the corner of his eye.]

Mm?

[ichimyatsu]

[He doesn't move closer, even if he wants to, and he keeps his eyes trained on his hand between them.]

...do you think Osomatsu will be okay?

1/3

[karappo]

[. . .]

[karappo]

[. . . . . .]

[karappo]

[Karamatsu's head ducks forward just a little as he looks away again, his own hands going stiff in his pockets.]

...I hope so, Ichimatsu.

[ichimyatsu]

[That answer says enough, and he flinches, curling inward and turning against Karamatsu's shoulder. He unhooks his arm from behind his knees and reaches across himself to Karamatsu's pocket, pawing at it in a plaintive gesture.]

...i-it's my fault, [He says it before he even really means to, the sound escaping him in a very quiet laugh.] It's my fault, because I left. I knew he wasn't okay.

[karappo]

Ichi.

[Karamatsu ends up mumbling that instead of his whole name, not really sure why it comes out that way other than to save his voice. His throat is closing up quickly, and he knows that Ichimatsu is about to go down a path that he's not sure he can support with how worn thin he is at the moment.

The fact that their Mother hasn't checked up on him once is eating him alive.]

Stop. ...please.

[ichimyatsu]

[He stills completely. He thinks about that. He thinks about what it means, that Karamatsu isn't taking the chance to talk to him, to be closer to him, and he feels it take a vice grip on his insides and squeeze. He swallows, audibly, and nods, recoiling and sitting straight in his seat for a moment. He doesn't turn toward him, and he doesn't raise his voice above a whisper. Karamatsu might even miss that he spoke.]

I'm sorry.

[He should have hidden better. He didn't figure any of them were looking for him anymore, not that they should have been in the first place. He didn't want to be found. He couldn't do this, he-- He coils sideways again, into the window, this time folding his arms around his head and trying desperately to shut off. Karamatsu didn't need these. Osomatsu didn't need this. None of them needed this. He was a disaster, a problem, and he was doing it again. He was being too much trouble, he couldn't handle himself, and no one needed to deal with him right then. He keeps his breathing shallow, and scrunches his eyes shut for a long time, until the pressure of his own eyelids makes his vision spot, and then he opens them to stare dully out the window.]

[karappo]

[Of course, Karamatsu's intent wasn't to upset Ichimatsu further, but that was likely going to happen no matter what he said. Now he's almost wishing he'd just stayed silent, because now it's just...worse. A lot worse. But he can't do anything right away, having to just sit there and take slow, measured breaths to keep himself in check. He blinks hard against the sting in his eyes, fighting back the waves of nausea trying to consume him as the bus leaves this ward for the next.

...in the end, he never does reach for Ichimatsu. He wants to, but in fearing he'll do something wrong for both of them, he keeps to himself.]

Just...try to go to sleep, now.

[ichimyatsu]

[Karamatsu's voice has always been so soothing. He doesn't know what it is, maybe it's the lower register, or the fact that he's always trying to croon. Even if he doesn't realize it, or didn't specifically mean it, he's been soothing Ichimatsu's constantly frayed nerves for years, and the fourth-born is a hair taken aback at the sudden reinclusion of the sound in his life. Settled against the window, he finds it striking that for all his soothing, unintentional or otherwise, he's probably never gotten it returned.]

[Such a simple little phrase, "try to go to sleep", because he was the older of the two of them, because he had sought Ichimatsu out. Or... Really, he didn't know. He turns toward him after a moment, tired from the way his heart pounds in his throat, and reaches out.]

...come here, [He doesn't move from the window, but walks his spidery fingers across Karamatsu's shoulders and grabs his opposite one, tugging gently. He doesn't have the strength to force if Karamatsu resists, and he smells like a dumpster and about two weeks of body odor, but... Karamatsu needed something, and even the hateful fourth born could see that.] I've always slept better with you close anyway.

[karappo]

[The request is, quite simply, unexpected. Karamatsu isn't really sure how to take it at first. He thought he'd done quite well to make Ichimatsu not want to associate with him for the rest of the ride, but apparently that isn't so. He just wishes he could accept this without thinking about it so hard. About why Ichimatsu's doing it, is he really okay with it, would moving closer make everything worse...

He doesn't stop Ichimatsu. In fact, he'll find it surprisingly easy to pull Karamatsu over even with how little strength he currently has, Karamatsu's shoulders faintly trembling with the effort of swallowing down...something. All the stress and pressure of the last week is coming rapidly to a head; he doesn't even notice Ichimatsu's less than savory state, nor does the smell of him seem to be a problem.

He allows himself to be pulled, scooting just a little until he's against Ichimatsu's side before he goes still again, still unable to look at his brother directly. The look in Karamatsu's eyes as he stares at the back of the seat is distant, betraying how hard he's probably thinking about what's going on at home.

Funny, he'd been fine when he had a goal, when he was moving. Now he's got way too much time to think about it.]

[ichimyatsu]

[Ichimatsu has spent so much time being awake when he's exhausted that he's not sure he knows what it is to be tired anymore. He closes his eyes for a brief moment and then reaches his hand around to Karamatsu's face, setting his thumb and middle finger on his eyebrows. He doesn't close his eyes for him, but he will block most of his sight in hopes of coercing him to do so on his own.]

...I know where we're going, chill out for a minute.

[He recognizes the beginnings of a stress-born panic attack when he sees one, and he knows neither of them need Karamatsu to have that. He's not close to Karamatsu, he never has been-- but right now, somehow, that's better. He doesn't know how he's going to face Jyushimatsu, and he's never really been close to Choromatsu, they've just existed around each other in a vaguely respectful presence of mind. Todomatsu was his own confusing little demon, and... Well, he figured none of them knew what to do with Osomatsu. So he focuses on Karamatsu, who came to get him, even being the sibling he's been the absolute worst to most of his life.]

[Because really, even if neither of them had said it, Ichimatsu knew six were about to become five, and he didn't have the time to push anyone away right then.]