We're painted red to fit right in

[karappo]

[For the last six months, the Matsuno household has been abnormally quiet.

There's no running up and down the stairs. No boistrous chatter over breakfast. No brawls breaking out in the bedroom at night. No games of Mahjong on a cold night and then yet more fights breaking out over that.

There is silence.

Only three people have been living in that house, and it's quieter than it's ever been. The only brother- the eldest- remaining rarely left it anymore. He rarely left the bedroom upstairs, to be precise. Sometimes he'd venture up onto the roof, but even that got too hard to swallow with all the constant reminders of how they'd all left him.

One by one, they all left. Not a single one of them had come back since, not even to check up on one another.

It had taken about this long for Osomatsu to finally stop caring. After all, it seemed like he cared a lot more than anyone else did. It was the only reason he was still even here, sleeping in an empty futon and eating his meals around an empty table. Eventually he did this less and less and left the futon only long enough to relieve himself. Back to bed, back to sleep, back to unconsciousness where he didn't have to think unless he started dreaming. He didn't talk to his parents much, but when he did he still had a knack for making things seem okay when they really weren't. It's the only reason he was able to scoot by barely living until his body just couldn't take it anymore.

Karamatsu had been sleeping in after having yet another failed interview when he was awoken to Chibita shaking him roughly and trying to give him the phone. "It's for you, idjit," Karamatsu barely made out as he fumbled the phone a few times before blearily getting it to his ear. Within a minute of receiving the phone and hanging it up, Karamatsu had thrown his clothes on and bolted out the door without telling Chibita what was going on. He hadn't even gotten any of his things, he just.

Went.

Osomatsu wasn't doing well. It was like, ever since his brothers left, he just...hadn't gotten better. Matsuyo didn't even know what to do to help her oldest son anymore, but she had known that his brothers would want to be there with him if he was this bad off. Karamatsu, for his part, couldn't believe it. Osomatsu, of all of them? Surely not...

And yet, it was unfortunately true. Karamatsu had actually been the first Matsuyo got hold of since he was living close by with Chibita. It had given Karamatsu a chance to see Osomatsu alone, which he was grateful for. The Osomatsu he'd come home to wasn't the Osomatsu he'd left, wasn't even the Osomatsu he'd dragged out of the room that night before Choromatsu left. He was buried under months of depression and what was left was battered and nearly completely withered away. That alone was enough to completely shatter Karamatsu's heart, but what he really couldn't take was seeing his younger siblings filter home one by one.

Jyushimatsu. Todomatsu. Choromatsu.

Two days passed and only five sons were home. Osomatsu was getting worse. He'd stopped eating entirely and would barely tolerate water. Not only that, but the fourth of their number- Ichimatsu- was nowhere to be found. He couldn't be contacted. No job, no number, no home. It was like he'd vanished off the face of the earth. Before Matsuyo could completely expire from the stress, though, Karamatsu offered himself up to go find him. He'd take Todomatsu's phone with him so he could keep in touch, just in case. The others should stay behind with Osomatsu.

That had been three hours ago, and now Karamatsu found himself in a largely unfamiliar ward of Tokyo. After a light-speed search of their hometown, he'd begun asking around. Have you seen someone who looks like me?

No. Sorry. Nobody like that.

Where was he?

Karamatsu couldn't stop looking, he had to be somewhere here. He didn't care if he got looks for shouting in the streets, because he knew his voice among all of theirs was the most recognizable should Ichimatsu happen to hear it.

He had to be here.]

Comments

[karappo]

[Honestly, Ichimatsu moving at all is good even if he has to scoot on his ass literally everywhere he goes. If he couldn't stand, Karamatsu would be considerably more worried about him than he already is. And as easy as it would be to just dismiss Ichimatsu's apology, Karamatsu doesn't. He just stays on the curb until he's next to him again before carefully leading him toward a bench nearby.]

You are fine. We do not have much farther to go.

Screw formatting I am thirsty enough for phone tags

[ichimyatsu]

[He's still crabby and it's obvious, but he allows himself to be lead to the bench, even if he settles with space between them. It's not necessarily too much distance, and it's not specifically unfriendly, but there is still an arms length between them. Same as on the bus, he folds his knees up and hugs them to himself, inadvertently emphasizing how small he has become as his knees practically disappear into him.]

[He doesn't settle on conversation, staying silent as he often does instead, leaving them both to their thoughts.]

[karappo]

[His thoughts is not a good place for Karamatsu to be right now, but he's not really sure what to talk about, either. He settles with checking Todomatsu's phone again, knowing good and well there's nothing for him to see.

What he does see, though...is his own reflection in the dark surface of the screen. His eyes are dull and the circles beneath them are dark and deep. Usually, this sort of thing would horrify Karamatsu, but...right now, all he can do is chuckle weakly.]

What a disgrace.

[ichimyatsu]

[Ichimatsu affords him a derisive snort for that, rolling his eyes.]

Don't want to know what that makes me, then.

[karappo]

["You have an excuse," he thinks, but he doesn't dare voice it.

He lowers the phone and puts it back into his pocket after checking the time. 7:15.]

...I am...wondering if I should call home.

[ichimyatsu]

[His throat closes up a little. Call home. To... Ask about Osomatsu's condition, and tell them he found Ichimatsu, probably. He's suddenly nauseous.]

Mom... Might be sleeping.

[What a flimsy excuse.]

[karappo]

Maybe.

[But even then...he's worried. He wants to know what's happening back home. Why hasn't she called.]

It...does not have a whole lot of battery left, anyway.

[Is he saving Ichimatsu's ass on this? Maybe, but it's hard to tell.

Maybe he's nervous about calling, too.]

[ichimyatsu]

[He curls further in on himself, tugging the strap on his bag to bring it closer. He should have brought the cat with him, cats always calmed him down. He focuses on breathing for the time being, trying desperately to not think of how strange it was going to be to use the house shower and then face the rest of his family looking like a walking skeleton.]

[karappo]

[Luckily for the both of them, fate seems to be taking pity today and not allowing for many awkward lulls in conversation. The next bus is there in what feels like no time at all, faster than Karamatsu can talk himself into calling.

So. No call, then.

He breathes a sigh through his nose before standing once again, offering an arm for Ichimatsu to take.]

[ichimyatsu]

[It takes him a minute of hesitation to reach for his brother's arm, but he hoists himself off the bench by it and stumbles along after him, keeping his grasp when they sit down.]

...sorry, for making you come all the way out here for me.

[karappo]

[...man. Karamatsu is pretty sure this is the most Ichimatsu has ever apologized to him about literally anything, and it's jarring. It's yet another reminder of how nothing is right, everything is wrong, and it might never be right again.

Karamatsu pays the fare again, knowing this will be the last bus they take before the long trek the rest of the way home. Maybe this bus ride won't seem quite so...long.]

Mm...I was not made to do anything, necessarily. You didn't know this was going to happen.

[ichimyatsu]

Still.

[Its the same as before, he folds his legs to his chest and leaves his shoes on the ground, wiggling his toes in threadbare old socks.]

It's a ways, and you're exhausted. And I'm a dumb mess, anyway.

[karappo]

[...]

I never did think self depreciation looked good on you, you know.

{Ah.

...ah?]

We are both tired, in desperate need of sleep, and...in considerably bad places, currently. Please understand that I do not- and will not- blame you for anything that has happened recently.

Even having to come find you.

[ichimyatsu]

[...ah.]

[He... Doesn't know what to do with that. Does he apologize for being how he is? He's always hated himself, he wouldn't know how to stop even if he wanted to. He swallows roughly, hugging his knees into himself further.]

Then... Thank you.

[That... That seemed better. That was better, right?]

[karappo]

[No less awkward, but...better. It would probably help if Karamatsu even began to understood Ichimatsu's self hatred, but that's a conversation for another time. The bus is moving now, anyway, which meant they'd be entering Akatsuka Ward soon. Not soon enough, really.

He lets Ichimatsu's words hang in the air for a long moment as he folds his hands loosely in his lap, his right knee bouncing anxiously. He doesn't seem to notice he's doing it.]

When we get home...I want you to take your time cleaning up, okay? I will stay with you as long as you need.

[ichimyatsu]

[He hums in thought at that, looking out the window with his chin on his knees. Several minutes pass, or what feels like several minutes. It may only be a few, really, but he's lost all concept of time in the last six months. For that matter, he probably doesn't even realize it's been six months. Just that it's been time, and it's twice in a month that Yuki comes to see him.]

...how are the others?

[karappo]

They are...managing.

[They aren't well by any stretch of the imagination, but they're...doing. Doing as best they can.]

Choromatsu and Jyushimatsu are not working in favor of staying home. I haven't had the chance to speak with Todomatsu as much...I assume he was working somewhere, too.

I was staying with Chibita, though I never actually found a job for myself. I just kept searching, going to interviews...

gently edits this one to be formatted

[ichimyatsu]

[He's nauseous again, but there's nothing in his belly to curdle so he just feels sour and faint. He closes his eyes over and leans surreptitiously sideways, quietly mumbling nothing resembling words toward the window.]

[His eyes burned, and his throat stung, and he wanted to curl up in his seat and cry until he choked, but he didn't. Karamatsu had already asked him once to stop-- neither of them could handle the other losing composure, right now. They weren't okay, no one was, but they could all lean inward and remain standing as long as none of them fell. This wasn't even the worst of it, he knew. They hadn't even seen Osomatsu. Maybe Karamatsu had, but he still had to clean up and look vaguely human again, just so they wouldn't focus on him instead. He makes a soft, plaintive sound, and curls sideways into Karamatsu's shoulder.]

I'm-- Karamatsu I'm scared. I'm sorry, I'm scared.

[He can't do this.]

[karappo]

Eh....?

[A soft sort of questioning noise leaves Karamatsu then when Ichimatsu turns away from him, mutters something incoherent, and then turns back his way.

Then...then he admits that he is scared, and Karamatsu feels his entire body turn to ice.

It's been a long, harrowing two days. Even longer now that he's found Ichimatsu and they've spent the better part of an evening just trying to get home. And this time? This time, Karamatsu doesn't tell him to stop, or try to shrug him off.

He's the big brother, here. He can't keep going around acting like he's got his thumb jammed up his ass, even if he's barely got an idea what he's doing with himself.]

S...shh. Shh...Ichi, it's okay.

[Karamatsu hushes him gently, finally just giving up and reaching over to wrap an arm around his brother whether he really wants him to or not. He's not going to say it, but the tenseness of his shoulders and the way his fingertips tremble along with the ever insisten bouncing of his knee probably tells Ichimatsu everything he needs to know.

He's scared too.]

[ichimyatsu]

[He felt ridiculous for apologizing for being scared, but simultaneously Karamatsu had told him before to stop when he got like this. The second born didn't need Ichimatsu's stress on top of his own, and he felt selfish for presenting it to him anyway. Older or otherwise, Karamatsu was obviously not doing much better.]

[He's never been tactile or affectionate but in short bursts, and never with Karamatsu, so the entire thing is a taste of sensory overload. He curls into the arm that wraps around his shoulders and presses his face into Karamatsu's collarbone, ignoring that it's a strange feeling and a strange scent-- Karamatsu wore cologne, and even if Ichimatsu usually complained about it if he had any sort of opinion on it, it wasn't terrible. It smelled like home, and he buried his nose in it and took a steadying breath, stretching a hand out to press against Karamatsu's bouncing knee.]

...we'll. We'll be okay.

[Even if his voice is shaking, and Karamatsu's everything is shaking, and they're not okay right now. They would be.]

[Maybe.]

[karappo]

[They really aren't going to be okay for a long time, but at least for now...they aren't stuck alone. Karamatsu isn't riding a lonely bus back home without Ichimatsu, which is something he'd also been afraid of. The last thing he and his family needed was two losses in one fell swoop.

He reaches his hand up to grip at the back of Ichimatsu's clothing, pained by just how much he can get into his fist. He holds him as close as he dares, letting Ichimatsu bury himself in his collar and just...stay close like that. The bus is empty yet again, it's not like anyone would see. He wouldn't even care if they did.

It takes him a moment, but he stills his leg when Ichimatsu puts his hand on it.]

We will. ...we will.