We're painted red to fit right in

[karappo]

[For the last six months, the Matsuno household has been abnormally quiet.

There's no running up and down the stairs. No boistrous chatter over breakfast. No brawls breaking out in the bedroom at night. No games of Mahjong on a cold night and then yet more fights breaking out over that.

There is silence.

Only three people have been living in that house, and it's quieter than it's ever been. The only brother- the eldest- remaining rarely left it anymore. He rarely left the bedroom upstairs, to be precise. Sometimes he'd venture up onto the roof, but even that got too hard to swallow with all the constant reminders of how they'd all left him.

One by one, they all left. Not a single one of them had come back since, not even to check up on one another.

It had taken about this long for Osomatsu to finally stop caring. After all, it seemed like he cared a lot more than anyone else did. It was the only reason he was still even here, sleeping in an empty futon and eating his meals around an empty table. Eventually he did this less and less and left the futon only long enough to relieve himself. Back to bed, back to sleep, back to unconsciousness where he didn't have to think unless he started dreaming. He didn't talk to his parents much, but when he did he still had a knack for making things seem okay when they really weren't. It's the only reason he was able to scoot by barely living until his body just couldn't take it anymore.

Karamatsu had been sleeping in after having yet another failed interview when he was awoken to Chibita shaking him roughly and trying to give him the phone. "It's for you, idjit," Karamatsu barely made out as he fumbled the phone a few times before blearily getting it to his ear. Within a minute of receiving the phone and hanging it up, Karamatsu had thrown his clothes on and bolted out the door without telling Chibita what was going on. He hadn't even gotten any of his things, he just.

Went.

Osomatsu wasn't doing well. It was like, ever since his brothers left, he just...hadn't gotten better. Matsuyo didn't even know what to do to help her oldest son anymore, but she had known that his brothers would want to be there with him if he was this bad off. Karamatsu, for his part, couldn't believe it. Osomatsu, of all of them? Surely not...

And yet, it was unfortunately true. Karamatsu had actually been the first Matsuyo got hold of since he was living close by with Chibita. It had given Karamatsu a chance to see Osomatsu alone, which he was grateful for. The Osomatsu he'd come home to wasn't the Osomatsu he'd left, wasn't even the Osomatsu he'd dragged out of the room that night before Choromatsu left. He was buried under months of depression and what was left was battered and nearly completely withered away. That alone was enough to completely shatter Karamatsu's heart, but what he really couldn't take was seeing his younger siblings filter home one by one.

Jyushimatsu. Todomatsu. Choromatsu.

Two days passed and only five sons were home. Osomatsu was getting worse. He'd stopped eating entirely and would barely tolerate water. Not only that, but the fourth of their number- Ichimatsu- was nowhere to be found. He couldn't be contacted. No job, no number, no home. It was like he'd vanished off the face of the earth. Before Matsuyo could completely expire from the stress, though, Karamatsu offered himself up to go find him. He'd take Todomatsu's phone with him so he could keep in touch, just in case. The others should stay behind with Osomatsu.

That had been three hours ago, and now Karamatsu found himself in a largely unfamiliar ward of Tokyo. After a light-speed search of their hometown, he'd begun asking around. Have you seen someone who looks like me?

No. Sorry. Nobody like that.

Where was he?

Karamatsu couldn't stop looking, he had to be somewhere here. He didn't care if he got looks for shouting in the streets, because he knew his voice among all of theirs was the most recognizable should Ichimatsu happen to hear it.

He had to be here.]

Comments

[ichimyatsu]

[Ichimatsu has spent so much time being awake when he's exhausted that he's not sure he knows what it is to be tired anymore. He closes his eyes for a brief moment and then reaches his hand around to Karamatsu's face, setting his thumb and middle finger on his eyebrows. He doesn't close his eyes for him, but he will block most of his sight in hopes of coercing him to do so on his own.]

...I know where we're going, chill out for a minute.

[He recognizes the beginnings of a stress-born panic attack when he sees one, and he knows neither of them need Karamatsu to have that. He's not close to Karamatsu, he never has been-- but right now, somehow, that's better. He doesn't know how he's going to face Jyushimatsu, and he's never really been close to Choromatsu, they've just existed around each other in a vaguely respectful presence of mind. Todomatsu was his own confusing little demon, and... Well, he figured none of them knew what to do with Osomatsu. So he focuses on Karamatsu, who came to get him, even being the sibling he's been the absolute worst to most of his life.]

[Because really, even if neither of them had said it, Ichimatsu knew six were about to become five, and he didn't have the time to push anyone away right then.]

[karappo]

[He's not the one who needs to chill, Ichimatsu is. It's hard to resist his brother's urging though, especially when he's not used to this kind of contact from Ichimatsu. Usually, if his fingers were this close to his eyes, they'd be jabbing right into them.

It has the desired affect, though, causing Karamatsu's heavy lids to finally fall closed. Or...mostly closed, at least. He doesn't want to sleep, but he...probably needs it. Hell, they both need it.

Karamatsu's just trying very hard to pretend he's okay. He can't not be okay when everyone else isn't. Someone has to be the center, the anchor...he has to be that.

He's...going to be the eldest, after all.]

[ichimyatsu]

[He does need to chill-- but he's accustomed to existing in states of Needing to Chill. Karamatsu... probably less so. Ichimatsu has no real frame of reference there, except that Karamatsu spent a lot of time pretending to be a lot of things he wasn't. Like cool, for instance. He didn't seem to have perfected the art of pretending to not be exhausted and stressed out, though, which lead Ichimatsu to believe it didn't happen often. These were sort of extenuating circumstances, though.]

[He shifts his hand back to settle it on top of Karamatsu's head, turning his own to pillow it there, dully watching the street ahead of them stretch forward. It would be roughly thirty minutes before their bus transfer, and then closer to fifteen on that one until Akatsuka. There wasn't a bus station especially close to their house, and with as slow as he moved it would probably be another fifteen minutes before they got there. He swallows the bubble of anxiety at the thought of walking through that door again, and finds himself hoping no one else is there.]

[Karamatsu already knew what a disaster he was. If he could wash off the filth and the stink of six months' negligence to his own well-being, at least he could pretend he had just gotten skinny.]

I hope you dont mind the tiny timeskip

[karappo]

[Karamatsu isn't entirely sure if he sleeps or not, but he's not really there at all for the duration of the ride. He stays completely silent regardless, one hand still shoved into the pocket of his hoodie so it can loosely grip Todomatsu's cell phone. The last call was yesterday sometime late, just Matsuyo checking up on him...but it's around the same time now and he hasn't heard anything.

The bus ride feels like it takes forever and no time at all. He blinks a few times, watches buildings pass for a bit out of the corner of his eye (or what he can see), and then suddenly it's time to transfer. By then though, Karamatsu's body doesn't want to move. He could easily stay here and sleep for twelve hours, but they have somewhere to be. They have to get home.]

not at all ♥

[ichimyatsu]

[Ichimatsu spends most of the ride looking out the windows, trying to decide ...a lot of things, really. What he thinks, what he feels, both about the situation and that Karamatsu had come out to get him. That he'd gone along. He doesn't know what to do with the familiarity in the passing scenery the closer they get to their bus transfer, but blessedly he has the blue-clad man beside him to focus on when they get there.]

[Blessedly? He never thought he'd be thankful for Karamatsu as long as he lived, but... Something about the situation, and everything, he was glad for his brother's presence. Specifically, Karamatsu. It wasn't an instance of wishing he was someone different, because none of the others would have given him the space to breathe. As a whole he's not sure if the consistent forcing of air into his lungs and letting it back out could be considered breathing, but.]

[His arm shifts as they near the transfer point, and he drops his feet from the edge of his seat to drive them back into his shoes. He doesn't have the weight or the strength to push Karamatsu back upright, but he'll lean in lieu of it.]

Karamatsu.

[karappo]

Mm...I know.

[He replies, though he doesn't actually get up immediately. He looks over to the right, trying to see if he can see a bench by the road outside of the bus that they can sit down on. Then, he looks back over to Ichimatsu out of the corner of his eye.]

Do you need me to carry you?

[ichimyatsu]

[He doesn't want to be asked, and that's evident in the way he recoils slightly from him, toward the window as the bus rolls to a stop. He thinks the question over, because this isn't really the time to be difficult for the sake of being difficult, and shifts, drawing himself to his feet with use of the seat in front of him. He shakes his head after a moment.]

...no, just. Let me hold your sleeve.

[karappo]

[His head lolls forward in something of a nod as he lifts himself up off the seat, holding his arm out for Ichimatsu to grab onto. He really doesn't care how slow he needs to be for Ichimatsu's sake. The bus seems to be on schedule, so it'd be a few minutes before the next anyway.]

Alright. Come on, then.

[ichimyatsu]

[He curls his fingers around the inside of Karamatsu's elbow, and shuffles along behind him with his other hand ghosting along the seatbacks as they go for balance. The going is just fine until he remembers there are stairs to get off the bus, and he eyes them with a somewhat horrified glower.]

[...A horrified glower which he conquers in the form of sitting down on the top step and scooting his ass off the bus rather than admitting defeat, but, you know. He reaches for Karamatsu again as soon as he's on the ground, for lack of anything else to hold onto to keep him steady. He grumbles as he does this.]

...sorry, I'm such a nuisance right now.

[karappo]

[Honestly, Ichimatsu moving at all is good even if he has to scoot on his ass literally everywhere he goes. If he couldn't stand, Karamatsu would be considerably more worried about him than he already is. And as easy as it would be to just dismiss Ichimatsu's apology, Karamatsu doesn't. He just stays on the curb until he's next to him again before carefully leading him toward a bench nearby.]

You are fine. We do not have much farther to go.

Screw formatting I am thirsty enough for phone tags

[ichimyatsu]

[He's still crabby and it's obvious, but he allows himself to be lead to the bench, even if he settles with space between them. It's not necessarily too much distance, and it's not specifically unfriendly, but there is still an arms length between them. Same as on the bus, he folds his knees up and hugs them to himself, inadvertently emphasizing how small he has become as his knees practically disappear into him.]

[He doesn't settle on conversation, staying silent as he often does instead, leaving them both to their thoughts.]

[karappo]

[His thoughts is not a good place for Karamatsu to be right now, but he's not really sure what to talk about, either. He settles with checking Todomatsu's phone again, knowing good and well there's nothing for him to see.

What he does see, though...is his own reflection in the dark surface of the screen. His eyes are dull and the circles beneath them are dark and deep. Usually, this sort of thing would horrify Karamatsu, but...right now, all he can do is chuckle weakly.]

What a disgrace.

[ichimyatsu]

[Ichimatsu affords him a derisive snort for that, rolling his eyes.]

Don't want to know what that makes me, then.

[karappo]

["You have an excuse," he thinks, but he doesn't dare voice it.

He lowers the phone and puts it back into his pocket after checking the time. 7:15.]

...I am...wondering if I should call home.

[ichimyatsu]

[His throat closes up a little. Call home. To... Ask about Osomatsu's condition, and tell them he found Ichimatsu, probably. He's suddenly nauseous.]

Mom... Might be sleeping.

[What a flimsy excuse.]

[karappo]

Maybe.

[But even then...he's worried. He wants to know what's happening back home. Why hasn't she called.]

It...does not have a whole lot of battery left, anyway.

[Is he saving Ichimatsu's ass on this? Maybe, but it's hard to tell.

Maybe he's nervous about calling, too.]

[ichimyatsu]

[He curls further in on himself, tugging the strap on his bag to bring it closer. He should have brought the cat with him, cats always calmed him down. He focuses on breathing for the time being, trying desperately to not think of how strange it was going to be to use the house shower and then face the rest of his family looking like a walking skeleton.]

[karappo]

[Luckily for the both of them, fate seems to be taking pity today and not allowing for many awkward lulls in conversation. The next bus is there in what feels like no time at all, faster than Karamatsu can talk himself into calling.

So. No call, then.

He breathes a sigh through his nose before standing once again, offering an arm for Ichimatsu to take.]

[ichimyatsu]

[It takes him a minute of hesitation to reach for his brother's arm, but he hoists himself off the bench by it and stumbles along after him, keeping his grasp when they sit down.]

...sorry, for making you come all the way out here for me.

[karappo]

[...man. Karamatsu is pretty sure this is the most Ichimatsu has ever apologized to him about literally anything, and it's jarring. It's yet another reminder of how nothing is right, everything is wrong, and it might never be right again.

Karamatsu pays the fare again, knowing this will be the last bus they take before the long trek the rest of the way home. Maybe this bus ride won't seem quite so...long.]

Mm...I was not made to do anything, necessarily. You didn't know this was going to happen.

[ichimyatsu]

Still.

[Its the same as before, he folds his legs to his chest and leaves his shoes on the ground, wiggling his toes in threadbare old socks.]

It's a ways, and you're exhausted. And I'm a dumb mess, anyway.

[karappo]

[...]

I never did think self depreciation looked good on you, you know.

{Ah.

...ah?]

We are both tired, in desperate need of sleep, and...in considerably bad places, currently. Please understand that I do not- and will not- blame you for anything that has happened recently.

Even having to come find you.

[ichimyatsu]

[...ah.]

[He... Doesn't know what to do with that. Does he apologize for being how he is? He's always hated himself, he wouldn't know how to stop even if he wanted to. He swallows roughly, hugging his knees into himself further.]

Then... Thank you.

[That... That seemed better. That was better, right?]

[karappo]

[No less awkward, but...better. It would probably help if Karamatsu even began to understood Ichimatsu's self hatred, but that's a conversation for another time. The bus is moving now, anyway, which meant they'd be entering Akatsuka Ward soon. Not soon enough, really.

He lets Ichimatsu's words hang in the air for a long moment as he folds his hands loosely in his lap, his right knee bouncing anxiously. He doesn't seem to notice he's doing it.]

When we get home...I want you to take your time cleaning up, okay? I will stay with you as long as you need.

[ichimyatsu]

[He hums in thought at that, looking out the window with his chin on his knees. Several minutes pass, or what feels like several minutes. It may only be a few, really, but he's lost all concept of time in the last six months. For that matter, he probably doesn't even realize it's been six months. Just that it's been time, and it's twice in a month that Yuki comes to see him.]

...how are the others?