We're painted red to fit right in

[karappo]

[For the last six months, the Matsuno household has been abnormally quiet.

There's no running up and down the stairs. No boistrous chatter over breakfast. No brawls breaking out in the bedroom at night. No games of Mahjong on a cold night and then yet more fights breaking out over that.

There is silence.

Only three people have been living in that house, and it's quieter than it's ever been. The only brother- the eldest- remaining rarely left it anymore. He rarely left the bedroom upstairs, to be precise. Sometimes he'd venture up onto the roof, but even that got too hard to swallow with all the constant reminders of how they'd all left him.

One by one, they all left. Not a single one of them had come back since, not even to check up on one another.

It had taken about this long for Osomatsu to finally stop caring. After all, it seemed like he cared a lot more than anyone else did. It was the only reason he was still even here, sleeping in an empty futon and eating his meals around an empty table. Eventually he did this less and less and left the futon only long enough to relieve himself. Back to bed, back to sleep, back to unconsciousness where he didn't have to think unless he started dreaming. He didn't talk to his parents much, but when he did he still had a knack for making things seem okay when they really weren't. It's the only reason he was able to scoot by barely living until his body just couldn't take it anymore.

Karamatsu had been sleeping in after having yet another failed interview when he was awoken to Chibita shaking him roughly and trying to give him the phone. "It's for you, idjit," Karamatsu barely made out as he fumbled the phone a few times before blearily getting it to his ear. Within a minute of receiving the phone and hanging it up, Karamatsu had thrown his clothes on and bolted out the door without telling Chibita what was going on. He hadn't even gotten any of his things, he just.

Went.

Osomatsu wasn't doing well. It was like, ever since his brothers left, he just...hadn't gotten better. Matsuyo didn't even know what to do to help her oldest son anymore, but she had known that his brothers would want to be there with him if he was this bad off. Karamatsu, for his part, couldn't believe it. Osomatsu, of all of them? Surely not...

And yet, it was unfortunately true. Karamatsu had actually been the first Matsuyo got hold of since he was living close by with Chibita. It had given Karamatsu a chance to see Osomatsu alone, which he was grateful for. The Osomatsu he'd come home to wasn't the Osomatsu he'd left, wasn't even the Osomatsu he'd dragged out of the room that night before Choromatsu left. He was buried under months of depression and what was left was battered and nearly completely withered away. That alone was enough to completely shatter Karamatsu's heart, but what he really couldn't take was seeing his younger siblings filter home one by one.

Jyushimatsu. Todomatsu. Choromatsu.

Two days passed and only five sons were home. Osomatsu was getting worse. He'd stopped eating entirely and would barely tolerate water. Not only that, but the fourth of their number- Ichimatsu- was nowhere to be found. He couldn't be contacted. No job, no number, no home. It was like he'd vanished off the face of the earth. Before Matsuyo could completely expire from the stress, though, Karamatsu offered himself up to go find him. He'd take Todomatsu's phone with him so he could keep in touch, just in case. The others should stay behind with Osomatsu.

That had been three hours ago, and now Karamatsu found himself in a largely unfamiliar ward of Tokyo. After a light-speed search of their hometown, he'd begun asking around. Have you seen someone who looks like me?

No. Sorry. Nobody like that.

Where was he?

Karamatsu couldn't stop looking, he had to be somewhere here. He didn't care if he got looks for shouting in the streets, because he knew his voice among all of theirs was the most recognizable should Ichimatsu happen to hear it.

He had to be here.]

Comments

[ichimyatsu]

[He swallows, setting his jaw and frowning, leaning sideways against the window.]

...mmn.

[karappo]

[Karamatsu draws his lower lip between his teeth, realizing that maybe he could have said that better.]

...whatever you need. It is fine. I will help you however I can.

[ichimyatsu]

[He closes his eyes for a while, and looks sidelong at Karamatsu when he opens them. He doesn't really know how to begin to process what's happening. Osomatsu is sick-- dying, probably, because he didn't know how to sort out depression enough to find what helped. He chews on the inside of his lip and unfolds himself from his seat enough to sit back against the seatback and really look at his brother.]

[He thought about asking what he'd been doing since he left. Was he working? Where did he live, now? But none of the questions seemed appropriate, or... Worth it, really. He moved one hand, setting it between them on their seats.]

...just, a bath, I think.

[karappo]

[Food and water would be good, too, but he's not going to force it into Ichimatsu. The fact that he's getting him off the streets is good enough. He just wishes it weren't under such awful circumstances.

For a few minutes after simply nodding to Ichimatsu, Karamatsu lets a silence settle between them. When he speaks again, it's softly with his hands having long since slipped into his hoodie pockets, one hand cupping Todomatsu's phone to feel for it vibrating. Just in case.]

You can sleep, if you want. I will wake you when it is time to get off.

[ichimyatsu]

[He curls and uncurls his hand into a fist between them, shifting and dropping his weight sideways so his head is on Karamatsu's shoulder. His arm closer to the window curls behind his knees, and he folds himself up to be impossibly small, fidgeting for a moment.]

...Karamatsu.

[karappo]

[He doesn't move when he feels Ichimatsu's head come to rest on his shoulder, though he does look over at his brother out of the corner of his eye.]

Mm?

[ichimyatsu]

[He doesn't move closer, even if he wants to, and he keeps his eyes trained on his hand between them.]

...do you think Osomatsu will be okay?

1/3

[karappo]

[. . .]

[karappo]

[. . . . . .]

[karappo]

[Karamatsu's head ducks forward just a little as he looks away again, his own hands going stiff in his pockets.]

...I hope so, Ichimatsu.

[ichimyatsu]

[That answer says enough, and he flinches, curling inward and turning against Karamatsu's shoulder. He unhooks his arm from behind his knees and reaches across himself to Karamatsu's pocket, pawing at it in a plaintive gesture.]

...i-it's my fault, [He says it before he even really means to, the sound escaping him in a very quiet laugh.] It's my fault, because I left. I knew he wasn't okay.

[karappo]

Ichi.

[Karamatsu ends up mumbling that instead of his whole name, not really sure why it comes out that way other than to save his voice. His throat is closing up quickly, and he knows that Ichimatsu is about to go down a path that he's not sure he can support with how worn thin he is at the moment.

The fact that their Mother hasn't checked up on him once is eating him alive.]

Stop. ...please.

[ichimyatsu]

[He stills completely. He thinks about that. He thinks about what it means, that Karamatsu isn't taking the chance to talk to him, to be closer to him, and he feels it take a vice grip on his insides and squeeze. He swallows, audibly, and nods, recoiling and sitting straight in his seat for a moment. He doesn't turn toward him, and he doesn't raise his voice above a whisper. Karamatsu might even miss that he spoke.]

I'm sorry.

[He should have hidden better. He didn't figure any of them were looking for him anymore, not that they should have been in the first place. He didn't want to be found. He couldn't do this, he-- He coils sideways again, into the window, this time folding his arms around his head and trying desperately to shut off. Karamatsu didn't need these. Osomatsu didn't need this. None of them needed this. He was a disaster, a problem, and he was doing it again. He was being too much trouble, he couldn't handle himself, and no one needed to deal with him right then. He keeps his breathing shallow, and scrunches his eyes shut for a long time, until the pressure of his own eyelids makes his vision spot, and then he opens them to stare dully out the window.]

[karappo]

[Of course, Karamatsu's intent wasn't to upset Ichimatsu further, but that was likely going to happen no matter what he said. Now he's almost wishing he'd just stayed silent, because now it's just...worse. A lot worse. But he can't do anything right away, having to just sit there and take slow, measured breaths to keep himself in check. He blinks hard against the sting in his eyes, fighting back the waves of nausea trying to consume him as the bus leaves this ward for the next.

...in the end, he never does reach for Ichimatsu. He wants to, but in fearing he'll do something wrong for both of them, he keeps to himself.]

Just...try to go to sleep, now.

[ichimyatsu]

[Karamatsu's voice has always been so soothing. He doesn't know what it is, maybe it's the lower register, or the fact that he's always trying to croon. Even if he doesn't realize it, or didn't specifically mean it, he's been soothing Ichimatsu's constantly frayed nerves for years, and the fourth-born is a hair taken aback at the sudden reinclusion of the sound in his life. Settled against the window, he finds it striking that for all his soothing, unintentional or otherwise, he's probably never gotten it returned.]

[Such a simple little phrase, "try to go to sleep", because he was the older of the two of them, because he had sought Ichimatsu out. Or... Really, he didn't know. He turns toward him after a moment, tired from the way his heart pounds in his throat, and reaches out.]

...come here, [He doesn't move from the window, but walks his spidery fingers across Karamatsu's shoulders and grabs his opposite one, tugging gently. He doesn't have the strength to force if Karamatsu resists, and he smells like a dumpster and about two weeks of body odor, but... Karamatsu needed something, and even the hateful fourth born could see that.] I've always slept better with you close anyway.

[karappo]

[The request is, quite simply, unexpected. Karamatsu isn't really sure how to take it at first. He thought he'd done quite well to make Ichimatsu not want to associate with him for the rest of the ride, but apparently that isn't so. He just wishes he could accept this without thinking about it so hard. About why Ichimatsu's doing it, is he really okay with it, would moving closer make everything worse...

He doesn't stop Ichimatsu. In fact, he'll find it surprisingly easy to pull Karamatsu over even with how little strength he currently has, Karamatsu's shoulders faintly trembling with the effort of swallowing down...something. All the stress and pressure of the last week is coming rapidly to a head; he doesn't even notice Ichimatsu's less than savory state, nor does the smell of him seem to be a problem.

He allows himself to be pulled, scooting just a little until he's against Ichimatsu's side before he goes still again, still unable to look at his brother directly. The look in Karamatsu's eyes as he stares at the back of the seat is distant, betraying how hard he's probably thinking about what's going on at home.

Funny, he'd been fine when he had a goal, when he was moving. Now he's got way too much time to think about it.]

[ichimyatsu]

[Ichimatsu has spent so much time being awake when he's exhausted that he's not sure he knows what it is to be tired anymore. He closes his eyes for a brief moment and then reaches his hand around to Karamatsu's face, setting his thumb and middle finger on his eyebrows. He doesn't close his eyes for him, but he will block most of his sight in hopes of coercing him to do so on his own.]

...I know where we're going, chill out for a minute.

[He recognizes the beginnings of a stress-born panic attack when he sees one, and he knows neither of them need Karamatsu to have that. He's not close to Karamatsu, he never has been-- but right now, somehow, that's better. He doesn't know how he's going to face Jyushimatsu, and he's never really been close to Choromatsu, they've just existed around each other in a vaguely respectful presence of mind. Todomatsu was his own confusing little demon, and... Well, he figured none of them knew what to do with Osomatsu. So he focuses on Karamatsu, who came to get him, even being the sibling he's been the absolute worst to most of his life.]

[Because really, even if neither of them had said it, Ichimatsu knew six were about to become five, and he didn't have the time to push anyone away right then.]

[karappo]

[He's not the one who needs to chill, Ichimatsu is. It's hard to resist his brother's urging though, especially when he's not used to this kind of contact from Ichimatsu. Usually, if his fingers were this close to his eyes, they'd be jabbing right into them.

It has the desired affect, though, causing Karamatsu's heavy lids to finally fall closed. Or...mostly closed, at least. He doesn't want to sleep, but he...probably needs it. Hell, they both need it.

Karamatsu's just trying very hard to pretend he's okay. He can't not be okay when everyone else isn't. Someone has to be the center, the anchor...he has to be that.

He's...going to be the eldest, after all.]

[ichimyatsu]

[He does need to chill-- but he's accustomed to existing in states of Needing to Chill. Karamatsu... probably less so. Ichimatsu has no real frame of reference there, except that Karamatsu spent a lot of time pretending to be a lot of things he wasn't. Like cool, for instance. He didn't seem to have perfected the art of pretending to not be exhausted and stressed out, though, which lead Ichimatsu to believe it didn't happen often. These were sort of extenuating circumstances, though.]

[He shifts his hand back to settle it on top of Karamatsu's head, turning his own to pillow it there, dully watching the street ahead of them stretch forward. It would be roughly thirty minutes before their bus transfer, and then closer to fifteen on that one until Akatsuka. There wasn't a bus station especially close to their house, and with as slow as he moved it would probably be another fifteen minutes before they got there. He swallows the bubble of anxiety at the thought of walking through that door again, and finds himself hoping no one else is there.]

[Karamatsu already knew what a disaster he was. If he could wash off the filth and the stink of six months' negligence to his own well-being, at least he could pretend he had just gotten skinny.]

I hope you dont mind the tiny timeskip

[karappo]

[Karamatsu isn't entirely sure if he sleeps or not, but he's not really there at all for the duration of the ride. He stays completely silent regardless, one hand still shoved into the pocket of his hoodie so it can loosely grip Todomatsu's cell phone. The last call was yesterday sometime late, just Matsuyo checking up on him...but it's around the same time now and he hasn't heard anything.

The bus ride feels like it takes forever and no time at all. He blinks a few times, watches buildings pass for a bit out of the corner of his eye (or what he can see), and then suddenly it's time to transfer. By then though, Karamatsu's body doesn't want to move. He could easily stay here and sleep for twelve hours, but they have somewhere to be. They have to get home.]

not at all ♥

[ichimyatsu]

[Ichimatsu spends most of the ride looking out the windows, trying to decide ...a lot of things, really. What he thinks, what he feels, both about the situation and that Karamatsu had come out to get him. That he'd gone along. He doesn't know what to do with the familiarity in the passing scenery the closer they get to their bus transfer, but blessedly he has the blue-clad man beside him to focus on when they get there.]

[Blessedly? He never thought he'd be thankful for Karamatsu as long as he lived, but... Something about the situation, and everything, he was glad for his brother's presence. Specifically, Karamatsu. It wasn't an instance of wishing he was someone different, because none of the others would have given him the space to breathe. As a whole he's not sure if the consistent forcing of air into his lungs and letting it back out could be considered breathing, but.]

[His arm shifts as they near the transfer point, and he drops his feet from the edge of his seat to drive them back into his shoes. He doesn't have the weight or the strength to push Karamatsu back upright, but he'll lean in lieu of it.]

Karamatsu.

[karappo]

Mm...I know.

[He replies, though he doesn't actually get up immediately. He looks over to the right, trying to see if he can see a bench by the road outside of the bus that they can sit down on. Then, he looks back over to Ichimatsu out of the corner of his eye.]

Do you need me to carry you?

[ichimyatsu]

[He doesn't want to be asked, and that's evident in the way he recoils slightly from him, toward the window as the bus rolls to a stop. He thinks the question over, because this isn't really the time to be difficult for the sake of being difficult, and shifts, drawing himself to his feet with use of the seat in front of him. He shakes his head after a moment.]

...no, just. Let me hold your sleeve.

[karappo]

[His head lolls forward in something of a nod as he lifts himself up off the seat, holding his arm out for Ichimatsu to grab onto. He really doesn't care how slow he needs to be for Ichimatsu's sake. The bus seems to be on schedule, so it'd be a few minutes before the next anyway.]

Alright. Come on, then.

[ichimyatsu]

[He curls his fingers around the inside of Karamatsu's elbow, and shuffles along behind him with his other hand ghosting along the seatbacks as they go for balance. The going is just fine until he remembers there are stairs to get off the bus, and he eyes them with a somewhat horrified glower.]

[...A horrified glower which he conquers in the form of sitting down on the top step and scooting his ass off the bus rather than admitting defeat, but, you know. He reaches for Karamatsu again as soon as he's on the ground, for lack of anything else to hold onto to keep him steady. He grumbles as he does this.]

...sorry, I'm such a nuisance right now.