We're painted red to fit right in

[karappo]

[For the last six months, the Matsuno household has been abnormally quiet.

There's no running up and down the stairs. No boistrous chatter over breakfast. No brawls breaking out in the bedroom at night. No games of Mahjong on a cold night and then yet more fights breaking out over that.

There is silence.

Only three people have been living in that house, and it's quieter than it's ever been. The only brother- the eldest- remaining rarely left it anymore. He rarely left the bedroom upstairs, to be precise. Sometimes he'd venture up onto the roof, but even that got too hard to swallow with all the constant reminders of how they'd all left him.

One by one, they all left. Not a single one of them had come back since, not even to check up on one another.

It had taken about this long for Osomatsu to finally stop caring. After all, it seemed like he cared a lot more than anyone else did. It was the only reason he was still even here, sleeping in an empty futon and eating his meals around an empty table. Eventually he did this less and less and left the futon only long enough to relieve himself. Back to bed, back to sleep, back to unconsciousness where he didn't have to think unless he started dreaming. He didn't talk to his parents much, but when he did he still had a knack for making things seem okay when they really weren't. It's the only reason he was able to scoot by barely living until his body just couldn't take it anymore.

Karamatsu had been sleeping in after having yet another failed interview when he was awoken to Chibita shaking him roughly and trying to give him the phone. "It's for you, idjit," Karamatsu barely made out as he fumbled the phone a few times before blearily getting it to his ear. Within a minute of receiving the phone and hanging it up, Karamatsu had thrown his clothes on and bolted out the door without telling Chibita what was going on. He hadn't even gotten any of his things, he just.

Went.

Osomatsu wasn't doing well. It was like, ever since his brothers left, he just...hadn't gotten better. Matsuyo didn't even know what to do to help her oldest son anymore, but she had known that his brothers would want to be there with him if he was this bad off. Karamatsu, for his part, couldn't believe it. Osomatsu, of all of them? Surely not...

And yet, it was unfortunately true. Karamatsu had actually been the first Matsuyo got hold of since he was living close by with Chibita. It had given Karamatsu a chance to see Osomatsu alone, which he was grateful for. The Osomatsu he'd come home to wasn't the Osomatsu he'd left, wasn't even the Osomatsu he'd dragged out of the room that night before Choromatsu left. He was buried under months of depression and what was left was battered and nearly completely withered away. That alone was enough to completely shatter Karamatsu's heart, but what he really couldn't take was seeing his younger siblings filter home one by one.

Jyushimatsu. Todomatsu. Choromatsu.

Two days passed and only five sons were home. Osomatsu was getting worse. He'd stopped eating entirely and would barely tolerate water. Not only that, but the fourth of their number- Ichimatsu- was nowhere to be found. He couldn't be contacted. No job, no number, no home. It was like he'd vanished off the face of the earth. Before Matsuyo could completely expire from the stress, though, Karamatsu offered himself up to go find him. He'd take Todomatsu's phone with him so he could keep in touch, just in case. The others should stay behind with Osomatsu.

That had been three hours ago, and now Karamatsu found himself in a largely unfamiliar ward of Tokyo. After a light-speed search of their hometown, he'd begun asking around. Have you seen someone who looks like me?

No. Sorry. Nobody like that.

Where was he?

Karamatsu couldn't stop looking, he had to be somewhere here. He didn't care if he got looks for shouting in the streets, because he knew his voice among all of theirs was the most recognizable should Ichimatsu happen to hear it.

He had to be here.]

Comments

[ichimyatsu]

[It's... Not what he needs to hear, not exactly. It's certainly not what he wants to hear, but it makes him look up. It makes him realize that Karamatsu is taking over, that he's asserting himself. Because he's about to be the oldest of six.]

[And it makes his eyes well up with frightened tears, and he feels like a child for them and the way he lets them pour over his eyelids, and his voice is impossibly small when he finally speaks.]

...O-Osomatsu isn't going to wake up, is he.

[karappo]

[Karamatsu hadn't even realized what he'd been doing until Ichimatsu muttered that. Already, instinctively, he'd been putting himself in the place of the eldest, trying to comfort Ichimatsu even though things weren't okay. They wouldn't be okay, not for a long time.

That question is like a shot to the heart. Actually, it's not even a question. It's more like...a statement needing to be clarified.

And Karamatsu doesn't have it in him to answer. But he knows it's his responsibility to.]

We...we needed to find you because we...we didn't know how much longer it would be, Ichi. A-and mom...wanted us all to be there.

[ichimyatsu]

[He nods, and he keeps nodding, and he's glad he didn't lie, but he's breaking apart as he sags forward into Karamatsu's collarbone and he can't fucking help it. He needed the confirmation, he needed to be told so he'd stop wondering, but he can't even sob over how this feels. He's pretty sure he's trying to leak his heart out of his eyes and his nose, but he's nearly silent in his breakdown, just shaking and periodically hitching until he decides to warble half-words.]

I-I'm sorry, that it took so long, I shouldn't h-have gone so far, Karamatsu, how are you so calm?

[karappo]

[Because I have to be, he thinks, but- oh- he doesn't dare say that. He just reaches out and gathers Ichimatsu into his arms because he needs him right now. He needs him to be strong. He doesn't need to see the tears in his eyes, forming because they both know their brother isn't going to make it.

He'll be strong for both of them.]

Shhh. Shhhh. Don't blame yourself. You could not have known.

keeps using this icon because it hurts

[ichimyatsu]

[He crawls forward when he's gathered, all but climbing into Karamatsu's lap and settling just to hitch, gripping his shirt and shaking.]

Why him, Karamatsu, this isn't--

[He draws away suddenly, the hitch in his breath catching in his throat and making him cough, and he immediately curls away from Karamatsu and against the wall, hand over his mouth and head ducked into his shoulder. He stays that way for a long handful of seconds, just coughing, and then seems to be considering something once he's still again.]

mmMMMM

[karappo]

-Ichimatsu?

[Karamatsu nearly jerks back when Ichimatsu suddenly starts coughing, throwing him for a loop in the midst of what was probably the rise of another anxiety attack. He hasn't let go of him yet, feeling the way Ichimatsu's chest rattles with every breath he takes. But that's to be expected, isn't it? He's probably in real need of something more than what he can give...some actual fluids, food, things that need to be transferred immediately to his body. Simply eating isn't fast enough.

His fingers tighten against his hoodie, giving him a concerned squeeze to see if he's still with him.]

Ichimatsu. Are you okay?

[ichimyatsu]

[He stays mostly still against the wall, nodding in hopes of getting Karamatsu to stop hovering, even if he knows it won't work. He swallows, carefully, taking measured breaths, and he curls his fingers into his palm for a moment before he moves his hand away from his mouth. He shifts, then, suddenly looking significantly more tired, but smiles faintly.]

...sorry, choked myself, I guess.

[karappo]

[If this were anyone else, they probably wouldn't have believed him. But Karamatsu has no reason not to, even as worried as he is. Maybe some other time things would have been different, but for now...

He sits back a bit on his heels, giving Ichimatsu a brief once over before murmuring.]

It should be done now. I'm going to get you some water, too. You need to eat and drink.

[ichimyatsu]

[He waits until Karamatsu gets up before he lets himself slump against the wall, closing his eyes and taking careful, deep lungfuls of air like he was afraid to. His breath continued to rattle slightly for a moment, and he clears his throat, sitting back up before Karamatsu can see. He idly massages below his collarbone and at about his solar plexus, a thoughtful frown on his face, but it mostly just looks like he's scratching an itch.]

...I know you've said it's fine, but I'm still sorry for being a nuisance.

[As an afterthought, he smears the back of one hand across his eyes, realizing that part of the scratch to his voice comes from the fact that before he dissolved into coughing he was in the midst of a crying fit. He closes his eyes. God, he was so tired.]

[karappo]

[Karamatsu doesn't answer Ichimatsu until he has a glass of water in one hand and that small cup of noodles in the other, sitting back down on the floor across from Ichimatsu with both.]

It is alright. We just have to take these things one at a time.

[He gestures a little with the cup that is still steaming a little but otherwise probably okay to eat. Then he gently hands them off to Ichimatsu.]

Take as much time as you need. I need to make a phone-call, but I will be right in the hallway.

[ichimyatsu]

[He settles himself neatly on the floor cross-legged, and takes both items from him. He sets the glass of water down in favor of taking the noodles in both hands and holding it close, closing both his eyes and looking much like a tired, sated cat.]

Mmn, go ahead.

[karappo]

[Ichimatsu seems fine for the time being, though Karamatsu isn't entirely convinced. Not much he can do that he hasn't already, though, so he steps out with one hand in the pocket of his hoodie.

It's been a day and a half since he last spoke to Matsuyo, so he knows she's probably worried sick about him. He needs to at least let her know he found Ichimatsu and that they'd be over at the hospital as soon as they could...and maybe get some information on how Osomatsu is doing.

Ichimatsu will soon be able to hear him murmuring softly just outside.]

[ichimyatsu]

[He's always found Karamatsu's voice soothing when he didn't or couldn't focus on what he was saying. He tended to ruin it with stupid flowery speech, but his tone itself had a lilt to it since puberty that was just... Nice. He picked at his noodles slowly, trying to sort out if he was too hungry to actually feel it or if he had just cycled through so many instances of being hungry that he wasn't anymore. He ate the noodles anyway-- it was a small enough portion that he wouldn't feel like he was forcing himself to eat it, and Karamatsu probably wasn't going to let them leave until they were gone anyway. Intermittently he picked up his glass of water to drink from, and by the time Karamatsu was done on the phone he was about done with the noodles and most of the water in his glass.]

[He didn't really look much different, but there was the faintest amount more color to his skin that made him look slightly less ghostlike.]

[karappo]

[When Karamatsu finally returns, it's a bit too obvious how hard he's trying to seem less exhausted than he is. He doesn't look shocked or broken, which means that Osomatsu is fine. For a given measure of "fine". It can be inferred that he probably didn't tell Matsuyo about Ichimatsu's condition. He's fine, he found him, now we're coming there once we get settled.

Yeah.

Karamatsu kneels back down in front of Ichimatsu, pointedly checking to see how much he'd eaten.]

Feeling a little better?

[ichimyatsu]

[He looks a bit like he could fall asleep sitting up, right there, but he offers a slow blink and a half-smile for Karamatsu's question.]

's probably the most I've eaten in a week, so. [Yeah, that's. Not something you should openly admit to Karamatsu right now, probably, Ichimatsu.]

[karappo]

[NO, NOT REALLY...but scolding Ichimatsu for not eating isn't really something he has energy for right now. Ichimatsu knows he hasn't been eating, but he's had a good reason as to why. It's not like he could help it at all.]

That will be the last time that occurs, so long as I am here.

[He picks up Ichimatsu's glass so he can refill it as he says that, though his mind is already wandering off in different places. He needs to get a bag with some clothes together to bring back to the hospital, both for himself and Matsuyo and whoever else plans on not coming home tonight.

He knows he won't once he finally gets back.]

[ichimyatsu]

[He watches him get up, frowning at how quiet and serious he is.]

...what'd mom say?

[karappo]

[For a moment, the only sound is the water running as it fills up the glass.]

Nothing seems to have changed since I left. He has been sleeping most of the time.

[That's how it was weeks before now, though. He doesn't have the energy to really do anything but sleep. He's too weak, and the will to do anything to recover just...doesn't seem to be in the eldest anymore.]

She was relieved to hear about you.

[ichimyatsu]

[He nods, making a largely noncommittal sound of acknowledgement. Sleeping... It wasn't good, but it wasn't worse, at least. He sets the cup of noodles down to the side of him, empty save for broth and a few stray noodles and rehydrated vegetables, and draws his knees back up to his chest.]

[He frowns at them when he's brought back into the conversation. It wasn't that he expected anything different, but... He almost didn't want her to be. His gaze shifts to the cup of noodles, and a thought occurs to him. He looks back up to Karamatsu.]

...when's the last time you ate, anyway?

[karappo]

[Oh.

Um.

Karamatsu is frustrated at himself that he actually has to stop and think about that.]

Early yesterday. Before I found you.

[ichimyatsu]

[Huff.]

Make yourself some noodles, too, then.

[karappo]

[Mm.]

I will. But first...

[First, Ichimatsu doesn't need to continue being on the kitchen floor.]

Let me take you upstairs. You can rest until we're ready to leave.

[It will give him a chance to eat, clean up himself, and get ready. He'd take Ichimatsu into the main room, but...where Osomatsu was is still there, and he's pretty sure he doesn't need to see that right now.]

[ichimyatsu]

I can rest right where I am, Karamatsu. I've been sleeping leaning on dumpsters for six months.

[His tone is flat but oddly serious. It's true, too-- he could nap right here. He might, if Karamatsu lets him. The whole thing has him torn, because he doesn't know he wants to nap in the first place, but he probably should so he looks less dead to the rest of his family, but he's also not sure he could handle sleeping alone in their bedroom right now.]

[karappo]

[Judging by the face he makes at that, he isn't pleased by the suggestion. Even if Ichimatsu wouldn't mind it himself.]

...just let me know what you would prefer.

[ichimyatsu]

[He huffs, reaching out. The gesture is oddly like that of a small child requesting to be picked up.]

...come here, help me up.